My apologies for not having posted sooner, or more frequently, but my senior year - schoolwork and graduation planning, etc.- has and will keep me pretty swallowed up for a while! :) It is my plan to begin some more intentional blogging over the summer - when I've graduated. Until then, I will make an effort to post at least a few times- whenever I can.
Last weekend I was very priveleged to attend the 4th Missouri Grande Ball. I was invited by my dear friends the M family, as their guest, and to accompany their daughter- my friend, Morgan. The S family came with us, and we piled into their vehicle and drove four hours to the hotel/conference center where the ball was to be held.
It was a very formal ball, with an elegant sit-down dinner and live music, and the host's goal was to be as period correct as possible, though he made it clear that this was not imperative-it was only their goal. As best we could, we were to speak only of things that had happened before 1861, for instance. We also had to address one another by the proper titles of the time-for a young lady this was "Miss" [i.e. Smith], and young gentlemen- any over the age of ~12- were to be called "Mr." [Smith]. It took a while to get used to! Also, we had to know basic dining and dancing etiquette, etc. Here's a taste, taken from the ball's website:
“On entering a public ballroom, the gentlemen merely conducts the lady to a seat. ”This is more than fine, although the host and hostess will be at the door to greet guests if they so desire. We will definitely be talking with friends and acquaintances as they enter but we most assuredly want to get to know those who we have not had the pleasure to meet before.
“A gentleman should not dance too frequently with one lady. ”Dancing with the same person repeatedly is considered very rude. A dance is a social event meant to engage everyone. In our modern-day society having multiple dance partners is not a common practice. There are some who do not wish to dance with anyone but the person they attend with. Again, we go back to the golden rule. We don’t want anyone to do anything that would make them feel uncomfortable.
“As ladies have not assumed the privilege of asking gentlemen to dance, it is the duty of gentlemen, to see that their ladies do not long wait for partners. ”Gentlemen are to ask ladies to dance, not the other way around. If the gentleman doesn’t know the lady he wishes to dance with, he should be introduced through a third party familiar with both. This may not be possible, and I know ladies would much rather dance than follow this rule verbatim.
“When a young lady declines dancing with a gentleman, it is her duty to give him a reason therefore. ”A lady should never turn down an offer to dance unless she has a very good reason. If a refusal is necessary due to fatigue or some other issues it is a breach of etiquette to accept another offer for the same dance.
“It is not considered proper to ask a married lady to dance, when her husband is present, without having previously ascertained whether it be agreeable to him. ”Since period etiquette might make it difficult for her to decline when she is uncomfortable due to modern influences, you might be saving yourself and the lady an awkward moment if you ask her husband first.
“While dancing, the performers should endeavor to wear pleasant faces; and in presenting hands, a slight inclination of the head is appropriate and becoming. ”Again, our goal is to make those around us as comfortable as possible. When engaged with someone please let them be your focus. A compliment or two is always welcome.
“When the dance is over, the gentleman conducts his partner to her seat; …, bows and withdraws. ”Never ever, ever leave a lady standing on the dance floor. "1.“Do not wear gloves while dining.” The only exception to this rule is unless your hands are extremely soiled.
2.“No talking during any part of the program.” You might not want to hear what is going on but please assume the guest at your table want to hear the program and not what you have to say. One would think with adults, this rule would not need stipulation, but alas it does.
3.“Keep your conversation period if possible.” Start by not talking about anything modern. Do not use contractions. Avoid first names. Never use profanity, slang, or discuss impolite subjects. These simple steps makes the transition much easier.
4.“Follow standard etiquette when dining.” For example, the basic rule with cutlery use. Start from the outside and work your way toward the plate. No elbows on the table. Things we learned in grade school.
5.“Never refer to anyone by their first name.” First names are for family, very close friends only and even then not in public. When refering to a gentlemen you use either Mister or if he is very young "Young Master" or by their title, such as Doctor, Captain, etc,. When refering to a lady use Missus, Miss. (Of course in today's world women have titles of Doctor, Captain, etc, also. Since they have earned this title it is their pleasure to whether or not you should use the their title even if it is not period correct.) NEVER EVER refer to an elder by their first name even if given permission.
6.“Gentlemen always stand when a lady stands or approaches the table.” This rule has no exception clause unless the gentleman is physically unable to stand.
7.“Gentlemen always attends the chair of their companion.” Ladies with huge dresses will need all the help they can get.
8.“Gentleman always attends to the needs of their companion.” You may help others, but your first and foremost obligation is to your companion. Avoid if possible attending to the needs of a lady that already has an escort.
9.“Ladies should always graciously accept the assistance from a gentlemen.” A gentlemen is showing you honor by offering assistance.
10.“Ladies should never lift your hoops higher than abosolutely necessary.” A lady does not show her legs.
We were also all given dance cards, and shown how to use them...I kept mine as a souvenir. :)
As this event was put on by a local regiment of Civil War reenactors, many of the gentlemen were soldiers, and almost everone was accustomed to being in character- with Civil War manners. Almost all of the gentlemen do credit to the title- very pleasant, courteous, and respectful of the ladies. It is such a pleasure to dance with them! I love being a Civil War lady, as well. . . I love that era!
My friend and I were tempted by rule #6: we joked that if we wanted to be mean we could walk up to every table and make all the gentlemen stand! ;) lol!
It really was a wonderful evening!
It wasn't over yet, however...upon returning at around midnight to our hotel rooms, Dr. M said we should go out and get ice cream...all dressed up!
So, the ladies shoved and packed our enormous hoops into their vehicle- four full sets of hoops, actually, and off we went. Most ice cream places were closed at midnight, but Steak-n-Shake wasn't, so that's where we went! You should've seen the peoples' faces as we walked in!!
